Maybe
by ayanamiyuy
Summary: He saw her pain, listened to her pain... now, he wanted to test her pain... She is suffering from unrequited love, and he from the ignorance of love. Experimenting what really love is, maybe, just maybe, they can be healed. GaaraSakura. oneshot


**Maybe**

Summary: He saw her pain, listened to her pain... now, he wanted to test her pain... She is suffering from unrequited love, and he from the ignorance of love. Experimenting what really love is, maybe, just maybe, they can be healed. Gaara/Sakura

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto  
Warning: This story contains spoilers in the manga, and this chapter is very angsty!

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_Laborious night that fascinated my soul _

_Hear me out and savage my pride _

_Let the sweetness of your dark beauty fastened my desire _

_And hold me to your caress that would lead me out of my life_

_It_ swirled gently…dancing like a feather and bowing to the wind. The slit of her dress swirled, bounded to a pink haired woman craving for this night. The woman thinly balanced herself at the edge of the cliff, submitting onto the moonlight. Face carved with hollowness and delusion, she swayed gently as her arms lightly floating sideward.

The night was cold as the stars illuminate the sand village showing the simplicity and atrocity of the solitary shadowed figure standing at verge of life and death. As to what will happen, and the truth behind it, will only be witnessed by the flickering lights that decorated each houses. Her mystery and reasons was raveled and would remain to be raveled, repressed by the fear chaining her.

And the wind brushed her skin once more, painting a smile upon her lips- a bittersweet smile.

'It tingles…it pains' the shadowed smothering voice sprung, perfectly apt with the way she closed her eyes. The strands of hair running idly across her cheeks covered partly her fragile face. She was totally submerged into the spiteful whisper of nature, with her body standing dreamily, as she seemed unconscious.

'This life, my life…'

Her knees were slowly bending, following the direction of the wind. The darkness of the sky and her stance ignited the bitterness hidden beneath the echoing silence- the silence that has long been a disguise of innocence and subdued emotions.

And she was Sakura- a young shinobi longing for pain...longing for death.

She gently opened her eyes, and focused her senses to all that surrounds her, to the things awaiting her. The dark abyss below beckoned her, trees covering it disabled her to see the ground. The perilous site before her didn't even make her waver. She simply looked at it, cold, senseless and void like a broken doll to be thrown away.

'This feeling...this moment'

The smell of death was just right at the edge...

A single step…just a step that will end it all…

She longed so much for this chance, always wishing and dreaming how would it feel to end everything, end the roots of all her feelings that was bounded to misery, end her life that caused it all…

Her wish- to vanish with this _feeling _inside her.

And the wind stroke again, which seemed to pierce her skin and push her below, like sympathizing to her and inviting her to take the step.

'This is it…_again_ this is it..'

She slowly lifted her foot towards the edge that would send her down. She closed her eyes once again and inhaled a deep breath.

At that moment, the tune of the night intensified, whispering her death to her. Of the thousands lives of people that vanish each day, does it matter if another life burdened with anguish should descend to the grave? Even contemplating in one's demise prove to be futile. Be it in war or battle, it wouldn't matter how much one prepares for death. The battle cry and courage for ones dignity are always what stand out, and death seems just to be the necessary outcome that was inevitable.

And yet, her case was different. What everyone's trying to avoid, was what she desperately yearns for.

And thus, she inclined herself forward, cutting her life anew.

'I want this'

_this… _

'I need this'

_the pain _

'finally, I'll forget you'

_the suffering _

'finally, I'll be free from you…'

_unleash me _

'from your memories…and your truth'

_send me away _

'you…and yet I love you'

_and let me vanish _

As she was about to take the step, she suddenly opened her eyes and shook in fear.

You're weak

The sight of the cliff getting blurred churned her heart and awakened her senses. She couldn't breathe suddenly as fear seemed to choke her to death, the same fear that held her sanity. Panting heavily, she immediately moved back and stumbled downward, eyes filled with uncertainty.

"Damn it!" she hoarsely cursed. Then she clenched her fist sternly, wanting it to bleed in order to compensate the death that was not granted to her and to contain the rapidly growing fear and anger. She lowered her head, and crouched her brow, obviously releasing a disappointed expression. "Hell, damn it" she strongly whispered, restraining her unbalanced composure. Then, she lifted her bruised arm and stared at the markings of her other previous futile suicidal attempts. "Again, I failed-"

"Scared?" the foreign voice caused her to jerk as she immediately looked behind.

"Who's there!" Sakura yelled, sounding agitated knowing she has spectator. She then saw a figure leaning against tree with his arms crossed casually. She frowned, having hard time to discern his identity. Her heart seemed to pound faster, realizing the dilemma that might trouble her.

'Is it an enemy?' she thought cautiously and held her kunai for defense.

The man groaned, and Sakura sensed a smirk on his shadowed face. "How ironic, now you're guarding your life when just a while ago you wanted to throw yourself away." He said coldly and started to walk towards her.

Examining closely the approaching man, Sakura clutched her kunai tightly. He then went closer to her until the shadow of the trees departed and exposed his expressionless face.

"Gaara!" Sakura muttered, surprised. "-the Kazekage sama.."She added, remembering his position. 'What is he doing here?' She thought in confusion as she put down her kunai. It was no use anyway, the intruder was not an enemy, nor a friend, but worse the Kazekage of this village. She was just a foreigner here, and there was no point of fighting with the sand's village leader, who unfortunately witnessed her dark hidden desires. And besides, as far as she knew, the Gaara approaching her right now was not the same blood lusted Gaara few years ago, his being Kazekage alone proves it.

Gaara walked calmly, hiding the sarcasm that soon became visible in his eyes. He had grown tall and matured quickly. His political involvement even made him more superior and reserved. The large gourd that was always behind his back was not with him today. It was not needed in this late of night, and besides, a weapon like that was unnecessary within the territory he manages.

Sakura looked at him intensely as he moved towards her. She had no idea how was she supposed to react to the situation. Would she apologize for letting him see her like that? Would she get angry with him for staying there all along and not introducing himself? She didn't know. But honestly, it doesn't matter anyway. She didn't care anymore.

"How disappointing… I thought I might saw something interesting tonight, and yet you backed away like a fool" He remarked, voice deep and husky. He stopped near her and fixed his eyes at her. The way he looked at her, his penetrating gaze with his eyes enveloped with black lining suddenly sent her some chills that weakened her body. "And you look disappointed yourself"

She scowled at him and then bit her lip, controlling the rising agitation to the man in front of her. It looks like he was the same old Gaara. His harsh words and sarcasm was still in his character though she must admit, he is more formal, emitting a strong persona.

And like before, he always appears quiet and mysterious looking as he observed and analyzed people that might be his victim for whatever inside his mind. And he looks very skilled in doing that …very skilled indeed...

And it was just her luck that she had been a prey to experience that skill. 'This must be my lucky night' she thought in sarcasm and then assessed the situation she was in.

Standing on the cliff, it was not like her to yield to her dark pathetic desires to commit suicide – to let fear devour her will. And in addition, there was this Gaara talking to her surprisingly just to mock her foolishness. And how can a person even trust this guy – a recently reformed addict killer, now a kazekage. 'Before a killer, and now a leader, what a shift!' How would she able to predict what he would do to her based from these facts? What was his personality now, she had no idea. What he will do to her, she also had no idea.

But as if she would care! Again, it really doesn't matter much. She felt so foolish today; so worthless that she had no longer any reason why she must bother to the things that will happen. With this thought in mind, she decided to look away and respond in silence...silence as a shield to her already exposed weakness.

Gaara didn't seem to mind her not answering. He turned around with his back in front of her and then sauntered towards the edge- to the place where she attempted to jump. He looked down, seemed measuring the height and chances of survival "The feeling of falling down...being milliseconds away from death, away from pain is right there" He said slowly and monotonously, shadowing an unbroken character. "And once you reach the ground, you couldn't barely feel your flesh bursting into pieces but only the feeling of being free"

His words caught her attention and hit her vulnerability. She shifted back her gaze to him, and noticed his still unwavering expression. The words he had spoken sounded hollow but strong, hooked to his fortified character. Indeed, she doesn't understand this guy. ' Is he talking about it? My unfulfilled experience?' So she frowned, curious.

Concerned by his formidable musings, she hesitantly asked. "How do you know..." she trailed, seemed groping for her voice. "the feeling?" and before she knew it, before she knew she must not say anything, the words just sprung from her mouth. She regretted saying that as it would just make things difficult.

Furthermore, she was already exposed, with her pain just hiding beneath the thin layer of silence she created and destroyed thanks to her recklessness of asking him and prolonging the discussion.

With just a few words, a few right words can let that pain out, the pain that _no one_ knows.

And this guy had just hit the right words that signaled her to run right now. _Run_. This moment, she needs to move her feet and get out. Get out as far away as she can, and call her other self again, that smiling and always obedient Sakura that everyone thought she was.

And _no one_…

_No one_ must see who she really was, of what she had become.

Nevertheless, she can't help it. This moment, her feet won't move, seemed attracted to the words that will be spoken, words that she knew would make her weak.

Gaara didn't immediately respond and stared at the horizon, with thoughts inside his head indiscernible. "The feeling..." He then began, eyes locked in a distant conjoining the houses clustered below. "A wind like this... brushed my skin, and I felt like my body falling..."He said cautiously, menace at the edge of his voice. "falling so fast that soon the gentle brushes of the wind became like a knife piercing my skin" Sakura listened keenly to him as he say the feelings she had just failed to experience. Even though she couldn't see his face, she knew his expression was empty by just hearing the tone of his voice.

"And the ground that is the destination became like an ecstasy with my wish finally being granted." He went on, sharing the feelings with no shade of emotions, sharing the words that he never usually speaks. Bequeath by growing sorrow that was not evident in his grimly eyes, he shared and opened the same grief that connects them, the same grief that was now getting inside her.

"And at that falling moment...the desire of wanting to feel the gradual halt of my heartbeat, and blood that would soon drench my skin intoxicated my senses that excite me more... excite me to speed up the falling…" He clenched his fist and looked down. "Falling to my death that was not granted to me" He went on naturally, eyes still not looking at her. "_He_ never granted it"

He paused as he controlled the glimpse of pain that passed in his eyes and returned immediately his void expression.

Sakura looked at him warmly and felt some grief emanating from him that was not apparently reflected to his appearance. And she thought, this man yearns the same thing she does. They both yearn to die and be free.

However, what makes him different from her is that he is not a coward. He did jump...he thrown himself to the ground unlike her who always remained standing at the edge for unable to land her foot in the open air.

Gaara leaned against the tree beside her and stared at the sky dimly, going back to what he was doing before she came, his past time from suffering insomnia.

Sakura on the other hand looked away from him and sat at the grass. She laid out her arms behind her back so that she could lean and then she looked at view, the silent calm scenery where the village was lighted by the large moon appearing like an eye watching them below.

She stretched her hand above, wanting to grasp it. "it appears so near…the moon appears near…" she said gently, eyes glistened peacefully as she moved her hand to trace the shape of the moon "And it is so beautiful...with its light shining so exquisite"

"Like a model of perfection and symbolism of hope" She added and a small smile formed on her lips as she felt engrossed looking above. Her voice vibrated the calmness of night and blended with each shuffle of the leaves. " And from below, from here, it appears like a goddess"

"like someone people look up to, someone they envy- a perfect and beautiful goddess" She remarked strongly with bitterness shaded.

Then she put down her hand and pasted a resentful expression. "but then, it is a fake"

"How it appears like, what we all thought about it is not true" She said firmly and glared at it.

"Its beauty, its light is all a showoff and the truth is, inside it is dark and ugly, comprised of nothing but a hill of rocks" She went on, sounding intense. "Its appearance being near and reachable is an illusion and the truth is, it's really far away, seems unreachable"

"a fake…just like me" She added and looked down at her hands indignantly.

"a fake"

"like me, appearing to be a good student"

"like me, appearing to be fine and happy"

"like me, appearing to be so attach to life"

"like me, a fake" she closed her fist and sighed, calming the rising emotions inside her.

"a pathetic, coward, weakling Sakura that is not even worth to live" she let out a forceful laugh and hid the pain beaming in her eyes.

She bent her knees and lowered her chin on it, changing position to outline the pain to be released. "I'm a coward, tied with this life...bestowed with this pain"

"And that's enough reason to do it, to terminate my existence" Honestly, she doesn't even know why she was saying these things, especially saying it to him. And she had no idea if he was even listening. He just continued to stand there, leaning at the tree and staring at the distance. Not that it matters if he listens or not anyway for the words are not really directed to him but to herself, like looking at herself in a mirror and seeing how rotten she became.

"To live…why should we live?" and she went on, eyes looking blankly. "Why do you think we should live? To experience…to feel different emotions.…to experience love" she said, like doing a monologue, a sulky monologue. "But to me, the reason for living had became a reason for me to die"

"to die…because of love..."

"...because of unrequited love" she said louder, saying it like a poison coming out from her mouth.

And tears fell, bringing back her painful memories, the root of her pains. "Sasuke-kun…" she muttered softly and cried silently as she remembered

… her sorrowful memories.

_don't leave _

"I beg to him"

_Stay _

"He didn't listen"

_I love you…_

"I gave up my pride"

_Please stay _

"He still didn't listen_" _

_I love you...please let me love you_

"I gave up all my love"

_Sasuke...please let me... _

"He still didn't…"

"To have that feeling of loving someone and yet that someone would turn your feeling away, that would still be fine…" she shrugged and wiped the tears falling feebly with her hand that was slightly shaking. " but not to forget it, that person, that unrequited feeling you have with him…and until you will feel pathetic that you experience that feeling, and then later hate yourself for having that... "

"it's torturous, it's hating and suffocating" she said in vehemence.

_Pathetic_

"I hate myself for it. I hate myself for not forgetting him. I hate myself for loving him. I hate myself for giving him all my love. I hate myself for not able to hate him until now" she added angrily, and held both her arms that was shaking uncontrollably.

"I could no longer love myself" She said coldly. "Because you see, where would I get the love to love myself when I put it all to him. It was in him, and he never returned it. He never returned it, and this is what happened to me" The tone of her voice was getting fiercer, outsourcing the emotions erupting inside.

"Like I'm trapped. I don't know...I am stuck with that feeling, that love that is not allowed to be expressed and that love that is trapped in him, therefore I couldn't bring back loving myself"

She sighed deeply, and paused for a while, controlling the surging pain, stopping the flow of tears. If she won't stop, her crying won't stop, her shaking won't stop. At that moment, she seems to forget he was there standing near her and not saying anything. She was so attached to her reflections that she didn't mind crying in front of him; she didn't mind looking like a fool exposing all her pains.

"Maybe... If only he did let me" After a few moments of silence, she said the words of possibilities, words that could open the other side of her life. "If only he allowed me to express things I want to share with him, do with him, maybe if he let me _even just once_, things would be different." She expressed calmly, her tone shading sorrow and regret.

"Maybe, just maybe, if he let me be with him, this love I feel for him would subside, or at least would lessen, and I would go back to loving myself-"

"I want to see that" Gaara interrupted firmly. He finally broke his long silence and posed his presence.

"huh?" She looked at him immediately and frowned, diverting her attention to him. She felt unusual at his sudden intervention and nervous and uneasy at the way he spoke.

"What you're talking about, I want to know" Gaara clarified, sounding arrogant.

She furrowed her brow and analyzed the meaning of his words. Then, realizing that he indeed said that and what does his words means, she widened her eyes in disbelief, shifting her emotional state from sentimental to confusion. "You're crazy!" She suddenly stood up and rushed towards him, unnerved by his terms.

"Why not do it? Do it with someone else and let me see" Gaara retorted coolly, unafraid of her as she approached irritably.

Once she was in front of him, she shot him a glare. "what is this for? A show? An order?" She burst out, flying her arms as a gesture. "Or some kind of experiment?

"Exactly" Gaara said shortly.

And she was speechless for a second, unable to discern how to react to his interference. 'he is crazy' She chuckled forcefully and turned around, not wanting to look at him. She cant believe she had just said in front of this person all her pains and sentiments, to this person that was challenging her to show that pain to him. 'I was so stupid to do that'

All the while she thought it was going on smoothly to the point that she felt he was not even there, and then this? He suddenly interrupted her and ordered her to show it to him? 'he is indeed crazy. Is he even human to say those things?' A few minutes ago she was crying and now she was angry, annoyed to this spectator who seems liking her to be his experiment.

"What made you think I would do that? Why the hell should I do that?" She asked, still trying her best to be polite. She asked harshly, with her back facing him.

"First like you said this could make you love yourself again" He shrugged and answered her directly. "Second this could grant your wish- to do your unfulfilled desires before killing yourself again"

"And third, if I finally get to see what you mean, I could fulfill your death wish and kill you. Pick your reasons" Gaara explained commandingly.

Sakura groaned, controlling and calming her emotions. He was so direct that the way he answer made her feel silly, as if treating her feelings like a joke. She turned around and glared at him again. "Why are you doing this?"

He glared back and retorted smoothly. "Curiosity..."

He lifted his palm and looked at it while his other hand held his wrist and then let the grains of sands circled around it "I don't understand what you're talking about. You're talking to yourself too much" he continued touching his wrist like preparing in a battle. "And it annoys me hearing your pathetic whines and seeing you crying foolishly-"

"Fine!" She yelled without thinking. He had crossed the borderline this time and it angered her and yielded to his proposition. "Fine! But with whom, there's no one-" She added, and then cut herself, realizing the gravity of her words. Did she just say yes to that?

Gaara smirked, hearing the words he exactly wanted to hear. Her mind was indeed not functioning to say that. She was about to take back her words when he retorted. "You have no one?" He said huskily in an undertone. "Fine do it with me"

"Eh?" Sakura scowled, not sure if she heard him right.

"The Hokage sent you here until this week" Looking at her face to face, he sauntered towards her and put a hand on her shoulder. He leaned, face few inches away from her and whispered near her ear "Show me in a week"

"You're with me in a week" He said, with his breath warming her cheeks, with his hand touching her shoulder.

Then he left her standing numbly and walked away. She wasn't able to argue anymore, unable to find her voice back after what he did. It was so fast. This agreement was so fast that she couldn't decide where she should start assessing it. And he was so fast

_And from here, it all began...my life as an experiment _

_A pathetic and foolish life to join with another; to try myself living a life with him_

_And just like he said… _

_Maybe there...I can get back what I had lost and regain myself _

_Maybe _

_-- Haruno Sakura_

_ FIN  
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A/N: I decided to make it a one-shot and remove the second chapter because I'm afraid I couldn't continue this story for I will be busyand besides the grammar of chapter 2 is not edited.

Anyway, REVIEWS will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.


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